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Through The Lens

Single? Dating? How do you meet new people?

Being single can be tough sometimes. (I know, I’ve felt that way -- you too?) There’s a lot of wondering. Waiting. Asking ourselves, “Why haven’t things fallen into place for me yet?” “Will I ever find love, my soulmate?” “How do I make sure I’m making the most of this season while also preparing myself for whatever’s next?”

While you’re single, that’s the time to work on yourself, love yourself, and have a positive mindset. If you are not happy and satisfied with your life when you’re unattached, you’re more codependent on someone else when you get into a relationship. Being single and unattached is the time to have fun! Explore your likes and dislikes, get to know yourself! Singleness is a gift, it’s a season to become the man/woman you’ve always wanted to be and start living life to the fullest! It’s time to invest in yourself! Practice Self Care - when we don’t love ourselves it’s hard for us to be loved by others. What we feel on the inside is portrayed externally. When we don’t believe we are worthy of love, nobody can convince us otherwise. The happier and healthier we are, the better our current and future relationships will be. Be sure to take time for yourself, and spoil yourself. Some people may ask “what does that look like”? It all depends on what makes you happy. If you like art, it could be taking time to draw, paint or sculpt. It could be running a hot bubble bath and listening to relaxing music with candles. Maybe it’s getting a massage or going horseback riding. Just do something for you that makes you happy!

“Hesidating” = There is nothing wrong with going slow before that first meeting. It’s about taking the time to get to know each other and build a connection, before deciding if they want to meet in person or pursue the possibility of a relationship. I have found that some people want to meet right away. Personally, I like to “chat” (text or talk on the phone), for a little while, before I decide if they are worth more of my time and I feel there might be a connection. On the other hand, I also think I would rather meet them right away. That way, neither of us are wasting our time if we don’t “click”. The other day, I was talking with some friends, about how we overthink dating. Sometimes we put up walls and create complicated list about what we’re looking for in a man/woman. What a he/she should look like, what his/her interests and hobbies are, what kind of movies he/she like, etc. The problem I run into, is everything could sound good on paper (texting/talking), then we meet in person, and there’s no attraction and the conversation stalls.

1. Dating can be fun!

First dates are a great time to try something or someplace new. Want to check out that cool new restaurant? Feeling nostalgic for a round of mini golf? These are great settings for a first date. When you think of dating as simply a chance to meet new people and try something new, the pressure melts away. It CAN be fun instead of stressful.

2. Dating is a chance to get to know more people.

First dates are a total roll of the dice. But how will we know if a guy/girl is our type or not unless we spend time with him/her? Give it a try! You might be pleasantly surprised. It’s one conversation. One meal. One evening to get to know someone new. But you never know what could happen unless you say yes.

3. Dating with Intention: You never know until you try.

Should we only go on dates with people we see ourselves settling down with and marrying? That would be ideal, but how are we supposed to know if that guy/girl is marriage material if we don’t go on a few dates to get to know them first? We can’t decide they’re marriage material until we spend some time with them. Dating is a process of elimination. We might go on 50 first dates, 10 second dates, and have a handful of relationships. We will meet a lot of guys/girls before we find the one who is right for us, but you never know if that person is right for you until you get to know them.

4. Dating helps you narrow your must-have list.

The more people we meet, the more dates we go on, the more we will start to learn what we are truly looking for in our forever relationship. But as I dated more guys, I learned I was looking for a few other things too. After dating someone I could talk to about literally anything and everything, I realized I want that! So, it went on my must-have list. Then I dated someone who loved Jesus but didn’t love my career aspirations. That helped me realize support for my dreams was a non-negotiable for me. Each date taught me a little more about what I was (or wasn’t) looking for. Eventually I will be saying, “Oh my goodness, this guy really FITS me!”

5. Dating helps us become better communicators.

Going on dates and connecting with different people is practice for being in a relationship. Being in relationships is practice for marriage. So, as you’re dating, know that these conversations, these dates (even the breakups!) are not a waste of time. Everything happens for a reason! Each connection, however short, is an opportunity for you to grow as a person. You become better at small talk, better at communicating your needs, better at clarifying your passions and beliefs. It’s a great chance to learn more about your communication style in relationships, helping each next one get better and better.

Love your single life!

Looking to meet new people? Check out the Facebook Page – “The Singles Source”

There will be meet-ups, events and socials for singles to make connections!

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